


Oh God Why

by yeaka



Series: WTF Universe [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Ficlet, Fluff, Fluffverse, Gen, M/M, WTF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-17 13:09:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/867907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeaka/pseuds/yeaka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s the mirror universe, and there’s Bones’ universe, and then there’s... this... universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh God Why

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Fill for anon's "The normal Star Trek universe is morally in the middle, the mirrorverse tends towards evil ... and then there's the other side. What's life like in the universe of love and cuddles?" prompt on the [Star Trek ID Kink Meme](http://strek-id-kink.livejournal.com/2836.html?thread=1215252#t1215252). 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Star Trek or any of its contents, and I’m not making any money off this.

This is _exactly_ why Leonard McCoy hates transporters.

Because mostly he ends up on the regular transporter pad with Scotty telling him he’s fine, but sometimes he ends up on a pink transporter pad with Jim barreling straight into his arms, knocking him to the floor and proclaiming loudly, “Bones! Bones, Bones, Bones, I _missed_ you.” And he buries his big blond head in Leonard’s shoulder, like this hug is all he ever needed.

“The fuck—get off me, kid!” Leonard scrambles to push Jim off him, expecting something of a fight, but instead getting Jim reeling back, blue eyes wide as saucers. Leonard smoothes out his blue shirt and pulls to his feet, looking around with an inherent sense of dread. He was beaming up to the Enterprise, and this is built like the Enterprise, but for the love of God, it’s _pink_. It’s got Jim at his feet and Scotty smiling dreamily over at him, and Leonard’s too disgruntled to figure out why there’s no door on the room.

Jim gets up beside him, instantly linking their arms together. He’s frowning—borderline pouting—at Leonard’s incredulous/disgusted face. “What’s gotten into you?”

“What’s gotten into _me_?” Leonard practically shouts. The tricorder at his side, full of data, is completely forgotten. And where the fuck are Hendorff and Sulu? The landing party all beamed up at once. “What’s going on here? Why is everything pink?”

“Oh, you must’ve hit your head on the planet, poor thing,” Jim coos, lifting up on his feet. It’s definitely Jim. It looks like Jim, it feels like Jim, and it’s clinging like Jim, but a million times worse. The somehow-but-impossible-Jim lifts up on its feet to peck his cheek, purring, “Don’t worry, we’ll get you to sickbay and you’ll feel better.”

“Damn right I’m going to sickbay,” Leonard grumbles, climbing off the transporter. He needs a medical tricorder by yesterday—either this Jim’s an imposter with a fast bucket of paint, or Leonard did hit his head. Scotty smiles pleasantly as he goes, and Leonard lets Jim drag him into the open hallway, just as nauseatingly pink as the transporter room.

The structure’s all Enterprise. He recognizes a few of the crewmembers he passes, except that no one looks nearly as busy as they should be, and everyone’s got a dopey grin or an enthusiastic wave. Jim clings to him the whole way, too tight and glowing. Halfway there, he practically giggles, “Oh yes, but you’re the doctor, we’ll need someone else to look at you...”

Sulu and Chekov are in the turbolift when they get there, and Leonard grunts noncommittally at them. They’re holding hands, and Sulu pats his shoulder, saying, “I know you don’t like transporter rides, Doctor, but you’re doing wonderful.”

Chekov hugs him on the side that Jim isn’t all over, sighing, “We should hawe all been zhere to hug you. I am sorry, Doctor.”

“It’s okay,” Jim laughs, patting Chekov’s curly head. “I’ll give him all the hugs he needs.” And Jim promptly proceeds to nuzzle into Leonard’s neck, right in front of a way-the-fuck-too-pleasant Sulu and Chekov.

The second the turbolift hits the right floor, Leonard practically bolts out of it. Jim hurries after, calling over his shoulder, “Can you send Mr. Spock to sickbay?”

“Of course, Keptain!” 

Leonard shakes his hand away when Jim tries to intertwine their fingers. Jim comments, “You’re being very strange—why are you walking so fast? It’s almost like you don’t want to snuggle.”

Leonard stops abruptly in his tracks, which makes Jim walk straight into his back. When Leonard whirls around, Jim’s holding his nose with tearful eyes, and he whimpers, “Ow, my nose.”

“You’re a captain, not a goddamn baby!”

Jim pouts again, eyebrows knitting together cutely, and he mumbles, “You’re mean today. I mean, I know you’re grumbly when your tummy’s empty or you want to play that game with me where you pretend not to like cuddling so you’ll get cuddled harder, but you’re starting to hurt my feelings.”

Leonard’s utterly flabbergasted, quite sure one of them’s gone mad. He puts his hand on Jim’s shoulder and says very clearly, “I do _not_ want to get cuddled harder.”

Jim, baby blues as irresistible as they always are, pink cheeks flushed from running, sighs, “I love you, Bones.”

For about sixty seconds, Leonard’s completely frozen. He’s seen those words come out of his best friend’s lips before, but that was back at the Academy when they were wildly drunk and crying or laughing over memories. It meant friendship, then, and Bones doesn’t let himself think of it as more, even though this Jim very clearly means more.

This Jim is adorable and sexy and very much like _Jim_ , except seemingly stupider and way too fluffy around the edges. Leonard’s hand slips away, and he turns to keep walking. There are no doors on sickbay, either—there don’t seem to be doors anywhere. Leonard storms right past all the familiar faces, finding his tucked away office and digging under his desk—all his shit’s moved around. But there’s a medical tricorder and a PADD on hand, and he pulls those out and sets to it. He checks himself first, because it’ll be faster than checking out the whole Enterprise.

Leonard’s moved on to Jim by the time Spock arrives, looking just like Leonard knows him, except his face isn’t quite so... stern. His bowed lips look bigger than usual, but that’s probably just because he’s smiling.

He’s _smiling_.

Leonard instantly rips the tricorder from Jim and stars examining Spock, because clearly something’s taken over Spock’s body. Spock doesn’t take note of the frantic behaviour but simply asks, “Captain, Doctor—what is it?”

“He’s acting funny,” Jim sighs, brushing back Leonard’s hair, sweeping the dark hair off his forehead, and Leonard grumbles and pushes Jim away. “He keeps not cuddling me back.”

“Perhaps he is simply building up his affections for later,” Spock suggests. His hands are clasped behind his back, posture perfect, but nothing can make him look normal again now that there’s a smile on his face.

Jim murmurs, “I hope so.” And then he runs his tongue along the shell of Leonard’s ear, ducking down to lick his neck, and Leonard just has to give up and ignore it. Every time he shoves them away, that tongue and those fingers come back. But Jim’s licking him and that’s confusing in certain places and very not helpful. He feels vaguely like a teddy bear being fawned over, and it’s simultaneously warm and horrid.

If someone has to continually play with him, Leonard’s glad it’s Jim, but really, that’s a small consolation. To make matters worse, Spock and Jim check out mostly normal. Even though he’s pretty sure they’re insane. And the ship’s insane. So were Sulu and Chekov. And Scotty. ...The whole universe is insane.

It’s the only explanation. “I’ve been sucked into a parallel universe where everything’s insane.” Leonard says it allowed, practically twitching in horror. He’s now in a world where everything is pink and cuddly and fluffy and Spock smiles and Jim licks him. For a moment, he just stands stock still, feeling awful, while Spock pries the medical tricorder out of his hands.

At least Spock’s smile has dropped, though he still looks friendlier than usual, and he isn’t quite frowning. He runs the whirring instrument up and down Leonard’s body. Jim’s still purring and nuzzling into him, but Jim does sigh, “You look like my Bones, but I guess you are a bit gruff and scruffier than usual.”

“Scruffier?” Leonard grumbles, looking sideways at Jim.

Jim nods and rubs his chin against Leonard’s, chuckling, “You’re all stubbly. My stubbly doctor.”

“I have to go back.” Leonard’s stomach is starting to feel sick. He looks straight at Spock, who seems to be the more reasonable of the two, and he insists, “I have got to go back.”

Spock raises an eyebrow and puts the tricorder down on the desk. “Captain, I believe Dr. McCoy may be correct. I believe there may have been some sort of transporter accident.”

Perfect. In the interest of getting out of here as fast as possible, Leonard decides to save his gloating over how he knew transporters weren’t safe for when he gets back to his side. He’s about to start figuring out how to do that when Spock decides, “This must be very traumatic; we should hug it better.”

Leonard’s head snaps around so fast he’s surprised it doesn’t give him whiplash. He doesn’t have time to escape before he’s got a strong pair of Vulcan arms wrapped tightly around him, Jim already latched onto the other side. The two men crush him between them, Jim making odd purring sounds and Spock making deeper soothing noises. It’s possibly the most horrifying thing that’s ever happened to him, and with how strong both men are, especially the Vulcan, he can’t escape.

He’s forced to endure it, like a squirrel being trampled to death by buffalo, or a dear being chewed to death by lions, or a very grumpy man being cuddled to death by two grown-up children. If he had a self-destruct button, he’d press it.

But he doesn’t, so he waits out the four minutes it takes for them to give back his dignity. When it’s over, Spock says, “There was an ion storm on the planet when you beamed up. I believe if we recalibrate the sensors to recreate the accident, we may be able to undo the damage and trade you back where you came from for our own Leonard McCoy.”

That’s way more comforting than the hug was. Leonard tries not to think about a cuddlier version of himself on his own Enterprise. Jim sighs, “I like this Bones, too; he’s scruffy and handsome.”

Spock raises an eyebrow. “Our Dr. McCoy is very handsome.”

“I know,” Jim concedes. “And I miss his strong, snuggly arms.”

Leonard didn’t need to hear that. This place is starting to get to him, and he’s acutely aware of his cheeks being too hot. Mostly so Jim won’t see him blush, he turns and storms back out of sickbay, Spock and Jim hot on his heels.

Even knowing this is all some big crazy mistake that Leonard’s going to have nightmares about for months, Jim still tails him like a puppy. When they explain what they think might’ve happened to Scotty, he says, “Oh, that makes sense,” and then, “I can fix that,” and then, “Does he need a hug?”

“No more hugs!” Leonard’s standing stiffly on the platform, holding Jim at arm’s length while Spock helps Scotty plug in calculations. Apparently they’re still just as intelligent over here, even if they act otherwise.

“This one doesn’t like hugs,” Jim sighs remorsefully. “He must be _amazing_ in bed.” Leonard looks straight up at the ceiling. His face feels like it’s on fire, and he has no idea what that has to do with anything. Jim sidles closer to him, rubbing into his side, practically moaning, “All that pent up affection, it must be so wonderful when it finally bursts...”

“Rainbows everywhere,” Leonard mocks dryly.

Jim coos, “That sounds wonderful.”

“Please exit the transporter pad, Captain,” Spock says, holding out his hand, as though for Jim to transfer and cling to instead. Jim sighs and presses another kiss to Leonard’s cheek before obeying. Leonard’s torn between scrubbing at his face furiously and never washing it again.

“Are you sure you don’t want another—”

“No!”

Then he’s being swallowed up in the beams, that horrible, gut-wrenching feeling all over his skin, the one that makes him want to vomit.

He’s materialized a second later, and he’s scrunched his eyes shut and doesn’t want to open them in case everything’s still pink.

“Bones?”

It’s Jim. Leonard cracks an eye open. Jim’s standing next to Spock, right where Leonard left him. Except the walls behind them are white, and Spock’s frowning like he’s supposed to be. Nervously, Jim repeats, “Bones...?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Leonard grumbles, strolling off the platform with a wave of relief. He looks at Jim cautiously as he reaches the floor, but Jim doesn’t try to hug him. Leonard’s feelings are too mixed about that, so he distracts himself by snickering at Spock, “You wouldn’t believe who I just saw.”

Lifting one eyebrow, Spock recites, “A more pleasant version of me, I presume, seeing as we just experienced a very odd occurrence with a more pleasant Doctor McCoy.”

Scowling, Leonard tries to dig in, “You hugged me.”

“You hugged me, too.”

Leonard’s eyes narrow, secretly ashamed of himself. Or other himself, anyway.

Jim interrupts, “And I hugged everybody.” He’s smiling goofily when Leonard looks at him, but not quite as insanely as the other Jim. Rolling his eyes, Jim steps forward and opens his arms, offering a relieved, “Welcome back.”

Leonard grunts, “Cool,” and walks off through the doors.

**Author's Note:**

> [Fanart from Nori!](http://galaxyquestt.tumblr.com/post/54722002958/based-on-this-fic-and-you-should-go-read-it) Thank you so much!! ♥


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